Okay, asking for help is hard but aren’t friends supposed to be comfortable being honest about how things are really going? It seems like we should be able to rely on our friends but more often than not people are uncomfortable asking for help.
What’s the deal with no one asking for help when they need it?
At work, at home, or in everyday life asking for help is hard. In this episode, Heather and Jamie talk about the humiliation, embarrassment, and fear that has held them back from asking for help in the past and how to get better at putting yourself out there.
Your “should” stops you from asking for help
Have you ever thought about how the word “should” allows for unhealthy, self-inflicted expectations? When you need help do you hear the record start to play, “I should have been more prepared, should have known better, should be better.”
Whether true or not, your “should” holds you back from seeking help. “Should” says you deserve to sit in your punishment instead of accepting grace and mercy from someone else. Your “should” influences you to attach your significance and worth to your success or preparedness. If it’s not perfect, you’re not perfect.
What’s the problem with that? Well, it doesn’t sound much like the Gospel, does it? A part of embracing the Gospel of Jesus is embracing your inability to be perfect, embracing your need for a savior. You didn’t deserve it but Jesus died for you and His mercy and grace should touch every part of your life.
Your next step: Identify the lie of should in your life, then at the next opportunity, practice asking for help.
Past rejection stops you from asking for help again
Nothing is more painful than turning to someone in your time of need and getting rejected. It’s gut-wrenching and can leave you feeling worse than you did before asking. However, using your past relationships and experiences as a standard for new relationships is unfair to the people in your life now.
Examine your past rejection, could there have been a reason why your friend didn’t help?
- They didn’t know how bad it really was
- Something was also going on with them, their family, or work
- You didn’t actually ask for help, you just implied the need
- You didn’t give them enough notice or time (specifically on things like moving or needing a ride)
- (This last one is a little painful, so just know we’re writing it in love) You ask for help a lot and you’re becoming too dependant on your friends
Ultimately, an honest and open conversation with your friend is the best way to heal from past rejection. There may be something you can learn that can aid you as you to ask for help the next time.
Next step: Examine your past rejection and identify what you can do better in the future. Then at the next opportunity, practice asking for help based on what you identified.
Start helping others
One of the best ways to feel more comfortable asking for help is to start helping others. As you step in to help, you’ll notice that people don’t always do a great job of identifying their needs. There is a gap between what people need and what they’re communicating. As you encounter these moments, take note of what would have made it easier for you to help them, then use your notes as a plan of action for when you need help next.
Remember how hard it is for you to ask for help, and step in the gap for your friends. Ask them questions to identify what they are needing. Finally, bring extra grace and forgiveness because hurting people often hurt people.
Ask us a question. Text “LIFE” to 23101 and follow the prompts.
Heather and Jamie love to bring people together. So naturally, their podcast is a place where they want to do the same. Every season, we set aside episodes to hear from YOU and talk about YOUR thoughts. Text “LIFE” to 23101 or leave us a voicemail at 918-270-8590 to share your question.