Faithfully following God involves having clear and honest communication with the people in our lives. Trying to go it alone puts us into an exhausting cycle: we don’t ask for help, so then we become resentful of others, which leads to making our work harder and our relationships less fruitful.
Jamie and Heather have learned the consequences of trying to do things on their own the hard way, and they are ready to break this cycle. They’re ready to move forward in their relationships in a way that not only honors the people they love but honors God.
We aren’t meant to do life alone; we’re meant to have a community where we can be vulnerable and come to in times of need. But if you’re never honest with your community about your needs, they can’t love you like you want them to.
Check out our episode, “Why Asking For Help Honors God” below:
Asking for help honors your relationships
All healthy relationships require communication. But often, we find ourselves frustrated and resentful at those we love for not meeting needs that were never even communicated.
We are missing out on so much if we don’t give our full selves to our most intimate relationships. Vulnerability breeds closeness.
“Just being honest really goes so far.”
Being honest about our feelings and our needs is not only healthy, but it’s allowing people to love us. And it’s creating a safe space in which others feel they can come to us, resulting in a beautiful dance of loving and being loved.
Asking for help honors God
We were not created to do life on our own.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” – Genesis 2:18
See that word “helper”? From the beginning of creation, God ordained for us to rely on each other.
We’re hungry for relationships, but when we’re against each other it makes insecurities rise up.
There is no room for resentment, jealousy, or anger when we are standing shoulder to shoulder and living our lives truly together.
Spiritual warfare isn’t always what we think it is. It could look like choosing to move toward one another in relationship.
Asking for help honors the way we were created and ultimately recognizes our need for our Savior.
Faithfully following Jesus in the season that you’re in is coming together shoulder to shoulder and having real conversations: How do I faithfully follow Jesus in the insecurity of my life, the conflict of my life, and the bad habits of my life?
Here are three ways to start asking for help.
1. Stop assuming, start asking
We’ve all fallen into the trap of thinking thoughts like, Don’t you know me well enough to would know what I need? Sometimes, the fact that have to ask for help is frustrating. How many times have you had the thought, “They know how busy this week is for me. They should step in to help.”
You can’t be sure that someone knows what you need if you haven’t communicated it. Have you had a clear conversation about what’s on your plate and what they could specifically do to help you?
In a Forbes article Margie Warrell explains, “We often assume our spouses, bosses, work colleagues, and even our good friends can read our minds. So when they don’t act as we’d like, we wind up hurt and upset. For any relationship to thrive, both parties have to take responsibility for clearly communicating their needs.”
These assumptions only make things harder on us. Don’t expect people to be mind readers, and don’t fall into the assumption trap: Ask for what you need.
2. Say “no” to pride, and “yes” to vulnerability
According to biblical scholar Mary Fairchild, “The sin of pride is a heart attitude expressed in an unhealthy, exaggerated attention to self and an elevated view of one’s abilities, accomplishments, position, or possessions.”
We are all guilty of curating a false image of ourselves. We want to have it all together. Or at least we want to seem like we have it all together. Maybe for you, asking for help puts this “perfect” perception at risk. People will find out that you’re only human.
But we’re all only human, and we all need help sometimes.
“To me to ask for help is weakness.”
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. It shows your honesty, your confidence in your relationships, and reveals a sense of self-awareness.
“We want to be loved, to be seen. We want people to take care of us and meet those needs, but we’re too prideful to ask for it.”
No one can go through life without help, and not being honest about your needs for fear that people will perceive you as weak is only hurting you and your relationships.
3. Stop taking “no” personally
Asking for help can be scary. What if someone says no? What if they think differently of us? Our internal insecurities may keep us from asking for help.
This fear of hearing “no” is rooted in fear of rejection. If someone can’t help us, we can take it personally, rather than acknowledging that “no” is often not personal.
Sometimes, people just don’t have the capacity or resources to help us. According to psychologist Cheryl Gale, “Allowing ourselves to hear no and practice not taking it personally builds resilience and increases our capacity to hear ‘no’, as this is a very real part of life. Asking for help often takes us out of our comfort zone and this allows for growth.”
How are you going to move toward Jesus in community? Text Life to 23101 and let us know.
In this episode, A message called “Keep Your Eye on the Ball” is referenced. Listen to the message: https://youtu.be/hZEFOL5dij4
COTMU is designed to equip followers of Jesus to take their discipleship journey to the next level. Learn more: https://cotmu.churchonthemove.com/